My daughter asked me why I never come to her soccer games anymore.
She's seven.
I told her I had a headache.
I stood there in the kitchen holding my coffee.
She wasn't angry.
She was just... stating a fact.
And I realized that's how my life looked to her.
Mom always has a headache.
It started three years ago. First it was once a month. Then twice.
Then I started keeping a migraine journal because my neurologist asked me to.
I stopped keeping the journal after four months.
Not because the migraines stopped.
Because writing down how many days you spent in a dark room starts to feel like you're writing down your own disappearance.
"I missed her kindergarten graduation. I missed my best friend's baby shower. I missed my sister's birthday dinner. I missed a promotion interview because I couldn't get off the bathroom floor."
At some point, I just stopped making plans.
Because every plan is just a future cancellation.
The worry of maybe having a migraine became as bad as the migraine itself.
I'd RSVP and feel my stomach drop.
What if that day is a bad day? What if I get the aura at the restaurant and have to leave before the food comes?
They stopped inviting me.
I tried everything.
Triptans that made me feel like I was underwater for two days.
Drugs that made me gain weight and still didn't stop anything.
A neurologist who said, "Your migraines are complex. Let's try a new medication."
I didn't want a new medication.
I wanted to go to soccer games.
Years of medications. Dozens of treatments. The same result.
Then I had a brain surgery.
It wasn't migraine-related.
But the neurosurgeon who operated on me, Dr. Lawrence...
He noticed something in my chart.
He asked how long I'd been having migraines.
I told him. Twenty-two years. He didn't look surprised...
Then he ordered a blood test.
DR. LAWRENCE'S WORDS:
"Your CoQ10 is 0.4 — it should be at least 0.8.
Your magnesium is 1.6 — it should be above 2.1.
Your B2 is 3.2 nmol/L — the healthy minimum is 10.
You've been running on empty for years and nobody caught it.
No over-the-counter supplement could have ever fixed this. The doses aren't even close to what your brain needs.
You were essentially malnourished."
· · ·
He then prescribed me a formula called Migril. He said that it was the only potency he'd seen actually work consistently in his patients.
· · ·
Week one — nothing changed with the migraines. But my pee was bright yellow, just like he said. I took that as a sign.
· · ·
Week two — I noticed the stiffness in my neck and shoulders was lighter. Not gone, but noticeably less.
· · ·
Week four — I noticed the stiffness in my neck and shoulders was lighter. Not gone, but noticeably less.
· · ·
Two months in — I was still getting mild migraines every few days. I almost stopped.
· · ·
Then, somewhere around day 90, they just... stopped.
Not gradually. Not "fewer." They stopped.
I sat in the cold on a metal bleacher and watched her score a goal and yell "MOMMY DID YOU SEE IT."
I saw it.
